It’s a Monday

monday (Photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker)

I was doing so well until I got to 3:00pm today.  What is it about Monday’s that make work so dang hard?  Seriously, I had a relatively quiet weekend, up till about 10:30 last night – yet – my motivation and will to push through the day died a swift death at the toll of 3:00pm.

I have risen away from the bat cave (aka office desk), wondered down the hall, achieved my caffeine goal and finished navigating the remainder of the floorplan.  And now?  I’ve got to strategize on how to get through the rest of the day.  With any luck that will take me time to do, lets say to ohhh – 5:30?

Sweet.

Rant: Conference Call Leader

Image via Wikipedia

If you are going to lead a conference call or expect to speak for a significant amount of time, do the rest of us a favor by calling in on a landline phone.  Your cellphone’s reception can be less than stellar. 

Rant: Speak When Spoken To

Image by Shoreline via Flickr

Dear co-worker in the copy room collating copies:

Perhaps I have intruded upon your happy finger paper cut job of collating what looks to be mindless business propaganda, but I said hello and asked how you were doing.  Usually it is nice to receive some sort of eye contact and audible reply other than a low pathetic murmur and overall lack of response.  It could be that you are still entirely overwhelmed as you were last week when you BARGED into MY office and lamented on the anxiety attack you were having, but I guess I was the moron that listened to your problems and tried to offer comfort and advice as you sought.

Don’t be a butthead to those that live in the office with you because you’re having a crappy day.  Other people have problems too but manage to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

Non-Sweet Office

Image by TheTruthAbout... via Flickr

This morning a co-worker came in to my office and said “I think this is so sweet, we should send a message like this everyday!”  She hands me a sugar packet and on the back it says “Being sweet is contagious.  Spread it around.”  She thinks a daily message of this caliber sent to the entire office is just THE THING to do.

Now, I ask you – (besides this genius) what employee wants a message from their office manager EVERY DAY telling them they should be “sweet”?  I would have to stock vomit bags in the supply room.

Nine Words Women Use

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying GO TO H***

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # (3.)

Rant: Flakey Co-Worker

Image by HansVdb via Flickr

Co-worker sends email to all: “lunch ideas???”.  I reply with a suggestion and question mark.  Co-worker replies to all: “I’m not feeling that today.  But you all can go”.

#1.  Why bother asking for ideas when you already know where you DON’T want to go?

and

#2.  Thank you for allowing the rest of us to go somewhere without you.

[[[[[[SIGH]]]]]]

Home Battles of the Teenage Kind

Image by mdanys via Flickr

 

If you felt the earth tremble on its axis Tuesday night, don’t panic.  My 13-year old daughter was having the biggest tantrum of her existence.  I think perhaps her head might have done “the exorcist 360” when she was telling me what a bad mother I was and how I live to ruin her life.  The catalyst you ask?  I dared to take her laptop for ONE NIGHT because she continues to burp out loud like an obnoxious frat boy.  

We went through a similar, less extreme meltdown not too long ago but she worked me over so good I walked away feeling guilty and depressed with my parenting skills.  After much reflection, I decided I was soaking in too much of her teenage angst and negativity.  I was determined to hold firm on the next round and assume the Teflon Don persona.  It ain’t stickin!  The hard part: being sensitive and understanding to the world of teenage drama, while still being strong on rules and consequences.  When I managed to do this on Tuesday, I discovered the process in which the whole thing came about:  a trigger, a meltdown (emotional dump of every frustration under the sun), a testing of boundaries and rules, a release (the “come to Jesus” moment when the walls come crumbling down and the real tears flow) and then at last, a recognition (apology) and reconcile.  

I seriously felt like I earned some sort of medal for courage under fire, but the real test is sticking to it and following through on the next one; yes – it will happen again, I have no doubt.  If you are a proud parent of the teenage-kind, I hope my experience and said thoughts might provide a small bit of insight… and that oh yes, we parents can navigate the vast fickle and turbulent ocean of teenage hormones!    

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Sing A Song

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Recently during a usual family weekday night, we were having baked beans with dinner and I was struck by a song from my childhood that I had not thought of in a long time.  I sang it to my kids and now I gift it to you, WordPress people ~ enjoy!  May you sing it repeatedly in your head alllllllll dayyyyy looooooonnnnnggggg.

Beans, Beans
Are good for your heart
the more you eat
the more you fart.
The more you fart
the better you feel
so eat your beans
at every meal!

39 Ways to Annoy Your Coworkers – On Careers (usnews.com)

39 Ways to Annoy Your Coworkers – On Careers (usnews.com)

I think I can assign people in my office to each once of these offenses ….  and sadly, I am #10…..  #!*$&@!!

Related Articles

• 10 Ways to Annoy People at The Office (purpleslinky.com)
• Co-Worker From Hell? 5 Ways to Deal (lifescript.com)
• Be a Great Co-Worker (lifescript.com)

Rant: Committee Slackers

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For you “professionals” eager to join a committee at work just to have extra verbiage for your goals…  Yes – you actually need to SHOW-UP to meetings and Yes – you actually have to PARTICIPATE.  Participation = VOLUNTEERING to do stuff and actually doing it, not delegating it to your admin!  You’re not as smart as you think you are and you aren’t making any friends with this behavior.  People notice and remember and attribute it to your work ethics.  Perhaps you like to be known as a slacker?  Perhaps maybe not when that reaches leadership because believe me, it does.